Dis/Advantages Model Essays

⚡ Band 6,5 Score Essay


It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is said that taking risks brings a lot of benefits. However, it also gives us some drawbacks. First of all, it is obvious that taking risks will cause a great loss if people do it and fail. In personal life, this loss might not be so harmful. However, it will be really harmfull in professional life, because people take a responsibility not only for themselves but also others such as colleages, customers and their families. It will even damage the society from the economic point.

On the other hand, we can receive huge benefits by taking risks. Firstly, we can learn how to prepare for one goal through this process. In order to achieve the aim, people will make all the efforts to think about it and try to find more efficient way. If they do this in the professional circumstances, they will recognise the responsibility and importance of cooperation.

Also, it will be completely meaningful even though people can't achieve the goal after taking risks. They will learn the reason why they have failed and how to change it. The failure will enable them to improve their skills and to achieve their object next time.

As I mentioned, it is true that taking risks give us both advantages and disadvantages. However, it can be argued that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks in that we can obtain advantages not only from the result but also from the process of taking risks.

➡️ Why this essay qualifies for a Band 6,5 score: This response discusses the advantages and the disadvantages of taking risks. It puts much greater emphasis on risks in 'professional life'.

As this response is below 250 words (it is only 242), more could be added to include risks in 'personal life' along with some specific examples of risks that people commonly take.
There is a clear progression through the response and ideas are logically organised; disadvantages are presented first and advantages second.

Cohesive devices can be quite mechanical with examples at the start of most sentences [First of all | However | On the other hand | Firstly] but referencing is generally appropriate [it | this loss | They | The failure].

The first paragraph is very short and paragraphing is not entirely logical.

Vocabulary is effective with some less common items [damage the society | receive huge benefits | enable | obtain advantages ... from the process].

Occasional errors remain [object / objective | point / perspective]. Sentence structure is good, with frequent error-free sentences.

There is a variety of complex structures, including conditionals [if], but a few errors remain.
To improve this response, the word count of 250 should be reached and concrete example(s) of risk could be provided.

⚡ Band 8 Score Essay 1


Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. What advantages and disadvantages do tourists bring to the countries they visit?

In the era of low-cost airlines, international travel has become increasingly accessible to a broader spectrum of people. While this trend has its merits, it also brings along certain drawbacks for the countries receiving tourists.

Firstly, the influx of tourists injects a significant boost to the local economy. Tourism generates revenue through various channels such as accommodation, dining, transportation and attractions. This influx of capital can stimulate growth in sectors directly and indirectly related to tourism, leading to job creation and infrastructure development. Additionally, exposure to different cultures fosters cross-cultural understanding and tolerance among locals, enriching societal diversity.

However, the surge in tourism also poses challenges to the host countries. One notable issue is the strain on natural resources and the environment. Popular destinations often face environmental degradation due to increased waste generation, pollution and habitat destruction. Moreover, the influx of tourists can lead to overcrowding, putting pressure on local amenities and infrastructure, such as transportation systems and heritage sites.

Furthermore, there are cultural implications associated with mass tourism. The influx of visitors may disrupt local traditions and ways of life, leading to the commodification and homogenization of culture. In extreme cases, this can result in the loss of authenticity and identity of the destination, turning it into a mere tourist spectacle rather than a living community.

In conclusion, while tourism driven by low-cost airlines offers economic benefits and cultural exchange opportunities, it also brings about environmental degradation, overcrowding, and cultural commodification. To maximize the advantages and mitigate the disadvantages, it is crucial for both tourists and host countries to adopt sustainable practices and policies that prioritize the preservation of the environment, culture, and well-being of local communities.

➡️ Why this essay qualifies for a Band 8 score:

  1. Coherence and Cohesion: The essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, contributing to coherence.
  2. Lexical Resource: The vocabulary used demonstrates a good range, including varied expressions and terminology related to tourism and its impacts. There's evidence of attempting less common vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
  3. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: The essay showcases a variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, with generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. While there may be occasional errors, they do not impede understanding.
  4. Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of tourists visiting foreign countries. It presents a balanced view, discussing both positive and negative impacts.

➡️ Errors and areas of improvement in the essay

Grammar:
  • "the surge in tourism also poses challenges to the host countries" - This sentence is grammatically correct, but adding "as" after "challenges" would enhance clarity: "the surge in tourism also poses challenges to the host countries as it puts pressure on..."
  • "To maximize the advantages and mitigate the disadvantages" - This sentence is grammatically correct, but rephrasing it slightly could improve clarity: "Maximizing the advantages and mitigating the disadvantages..."

Vocabulary:
  • "The influx of tourists injects a significant boost to the local economy." - While "injects" is correct, using a synonym like "provides" or "contributes" could enhance lexical variety.
  • "tourism driven by low-cost airlines" - "driven by" is a suitable phrase, but using alternative expressions like "facilitated by" or "promoted by" would add variety.

Clarity and Expression:
  • "The influx of visitors may disrupt local traditions and ways of life" - While clear, adding a phrase like "leading to changes in" before "local traditions" would enhance clarity.
  • "In extreme cases, this can result in the loss of authenticity and identity of the destination" - This sentence is clear, but varying the structure could improve flow: "In more severe instances, the authenticity and identity of the destination may be compromised."

⚡ Band 9 Score Essay 1


Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. What advantages and disadvantages do tourists bring to the countries they visit?

The emergence of budget airlines has revolutionized international travel, making foreign destinations accessible to a broader spectrum of travelers. This trend brings both advantages and disadvantages for the countries welcoming these tourists.

Budget airlines have significantly influenced the global economy by diversifying revenue streams in destination countries. Tourism serves as a catalyst for economic growth, particularly in sectors like hospitality, transportation and retail. This economic boost not only creates jobs but also enhances infrastructure and strengthens foreign currency reserves, fortifying the overall economic resilience of the destination.

However, alongside economic benefits, the surge in tourism presents substantial environmental and societal challenges. The rapid influx of visitors exerts immense pressure on fragile ecosystems, leading to issues such as pollution, habitat degradation, and resource depletion. Additionally, overcrowding strains local infrastructure and amenities, exacerbating existing deficiencies. Moreover, mass tourism can erode indigenous cultures and traditions, diluting the authentic identity of the destination.

In conclusion, while budget airlines have democratized travel and stimulated economic growth, proactive measures are essential to mitigate the adverse impacts of tourism. Sustainable development practices, along with community engagement and cultural preservation efforts, are vital for addressing environmental degradation and safeguarding the unique cultural heritage of destination countries. By embracing these strategies, host countries can harness the transformative potential of tourism while minimizing its negative consequences.
(290 words)

⚡ Band 8 Score Essay 2


People today are able to take out loans from the bank or get a credit card very easily. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice?

In contemporary society, accessing loans from banks or obtaining credit cards has become increasingly convenient for individuals. While this practice offers certain benefits, it also poses significant drawbacks.

On the positive side, easy access to loans and credit cards provides individuals with the financial flexibility to make significant purchases or investments that they might not otherwise afford. For example, individuals can use loans to purchase homes, start businesses, or pursue higher education, thereby improving their quality of life and future prospects. Similarly, credit cards offer convenience and security in transactions, allowing individuals to make purchases online or abroad without the need for cash, while also providing protection against fraud or theft.

However, the ease of obtaining loans and credit cards can lead to irresponsible financial behavior and overindebtedness. Some individuals may borrow beyond their means, accumulating debt that becomes difficult to repay, leading to financial instability and stress. Moreover, high-interest rates associated with loans and credit cards can exacerbate the debt burden, trapping individuals in a cycle of debt and limiting their financial freedom in the long term.

Furthermore, easy access to credit can fuel consumerism and contribute to unsustainable spending habits, leading to environmental degradation and societal issues. Excessive consumption driven by credit can strain resources, exacerbate waste generation, and contribute to environmental pollution. Moreover, it can deepen social inequalities by encouraging conspicuous consumption and fostering a culture of materialism.

In conclusion, while easy access to loans and credit cards offers individuals financial opportunities and convenience, it also entails risks such as debt accumulation, financial instability, and unsustainable consumption patterns. Therefore, it is crucial for individuals to exercise responsible financial management and for regulatory authorities to implement measures that promote financial literacy and protect consumers from predatory lending practices. By striking a balance between access to credit and responsible financial behavior, societies can harness the benefits of financial access while mitigating its potential harms.

➡️ Errors and areas of improvement in the essay

Grammar:
  • "While this practice offers certain benefits, it also poses significant drawbacks." - The sentence structure is correct, but adding a comma after "While" would enhance clarity: "While this practice offers certain benefits, it also poses significant drawbacks."
  • "For example, individuals can use loans to purchase homes, start businesses, or pursue higher education, thereby improving their quality of life and future prospects." - This sentence is grammatically correct, but consider adding a comma after "start businesses" for improved readability: "For example, individuals can use loans to purchase homes, start businesses, or pursue higher education, thereby improving their quality of life and future prospects."

Clarity and Expression:
  • "On the positive side, easy access to loans and credit cards provides individuals with the financial flexibility to make significant purchases or investments that they might not otherwise afford." - While clear, consider varying the expression "on the positive side" for better flow and variety.
  • "Moreover, high-interest rates associated with loans and credit cards can exacerbate the debt burden, trapping individuals in a cycle of debt and limiting their financial freedom in the long term." - This sentence is clear, but consider breaking it into two sentences for improved readability and emphasis: "Moreover, high-interest rates associated with loans and credit cards can exacerbate the debt burden. This can trap individuals in a cycle of debt and limit their financial freedom in the long term."

Lexical Resource:
  • "financial flexibility" - While appropriate, using a synonym like "financial freedom" or "financial autonomy" could add variety.
  • "excessive consumption" - Consider using a synonym like "overconsumption" to avoid repetition of the word "consumption."

⚡ Band 9 Score Essay 2


People today are able to take out loans from the bank or get a credit card very easily. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this practice?

In the contemporary landscape, access to loans from banks and credit cards has undergone a remarkable ease, facilitating financial transactions and enabling individuals to meet their diverse needs and aspirations. While this phenomenon presents notable advantages, it also carries significant drawbacks that warrant careful consideration.

Primarily, the accessibility of loans and credit cards empowers individuals with unprecedented financial flexibility, enabling them to undertake major purchases or investments that may otherwise be beyond their immediate means. For instance, loans facilitate endeavors such as home ownership, entrepreneurial ventures, and educational pursuits, thereby elevating individuals' quality of life and enhancing their future prospects. Similarly, credit cards streamline transactions and provide a layer of security, allowing for convenient and secure purchases both domestically and internationally.

However, the proliferation of easy credit can engender a culture of irresponsible financial behavior and excessive indebtedness. Individuals may succumb to the allure of easy credit, borrowing beyond their means and accruing unsustainable levels of debt. High interest rates associated with loans and credit cards further compound this issue, exacerbating the debt burden and impeding individuals' long-term financial stability and autonomy.

Moreover, the commodification of consumer culture perpetuated by easy access to credit can contribute to societal issues such as environmental degradation and social inequality. Excessive consumption fueled by credit can strain finite resources, exacerbate waste production and perpetuate unsustainable consumption patterns. Furthermore, it can deepen existing social disparities by fostering a culture of materialism and conspicuous consumption.

In conclusion, while the accessibility of loans and credit cards offers undeniable conveniences and financial opportunities, it also entails risks of irresponsible financial behavior and societal consequences. To mitigate these risks, it is imperative for individuals to exercise prudence and restraint in their financial decisions, while policymakers and financial institutions must implement measures to promote financial literacy and protect consumers from exploitative lending practices. By fostering a culture of responsible financial management, societies can harness the benefits of financial access while mitigating its potential harms.